Looking Back at my Life

My fingers claw
Through the velvet and soil
Trying to escape out of the dirt
That seemed to
Have fallen over my body and soul
Burying me deeply in a dark grave
As I kneel on the ground
Remembering why I was down there
And how I'd dug the blade
Deep in
The crimson dripping
Onto the floor
Tears formed rivers down my face
As the pain that held me down most my life
Told me
You mean so little
The world would be a better place
If you...
I had tried to break a cycle
Of sorry and misery
But every time
It always had to rain
Just once more
I had to see what it was like
Without me
The door creaked open
As I stepped
Into my past
The life I'd left
For I had to see it one last time
Before I left forever
So I took the step
That was once a welcoming threshold
Disbelief filled me
Like a thousand shards of glass
How could everything
Have changed so much
From the last time
I looked around the room
It cannot be
I search around the chilled room
For his warm gaze
Yet
He was already gone
And all of his things
Missing
Except a broken picture of us
Laying on the floor
My old room was similar
I could almost see his kneeling
Over my bed
Tears streaking his face
As he had that day
That single tune dancing around the house
A single beat
Caught on the broken record
That sat on my old desk
The endlessly scratching needle
On the broken record
Repeating
The sad melody of my life
My hands shake
As I remember why I left
The record skips into a new song
How could you assume you mean so little
Why did you assume the world would be nicer
My unwilling knees bow
As I collapse upon them
Spewing tears
As the rain welcomes me once more
Into the city
Of the dead

-Apple